Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The start of hell

I was floored when I saw that positive pregnancy test. Actually it was 1 am and I woke from a dead sleep having to pee... it was the "first pee of the day" so I went in a peed on the sick. It took maybe 30 seconds for the digital read "PREGNANT" to appear. I just looked at it and looked at it. Could it possible be? It had been more than 10 days past the trigger so the HCG was out of my system for that. I ran into the bedroom and woke up my husband. Look honey I said, we're pregnant. He said that was nice and layed back down.. then woke up and said What?? Yup I'm pregnant. He got a goofy smile on his face and kissed me and fell back asleep. I was wired and went downstairs. I called my sister, my mom and texted my MIL. I was so happy.

Easter came and we went up to Marion. On the way up there I lost my cookies big time. Like we had to pull over on the high way so I could puke my guts out. Too early for morning sickness I thought... there was something wrong. I felt like shit the whole day but tried to keep a smile on my face while we went to house to house to celebrate the day. We didn't tell anyone that didn't already know because we had just found out and waiting on our second beta to come in.

Come Monday I couldn't stand. I was so sick. I called my RE and told her something was wrong and I couldn't keep down water. She told me I was hyper stimulated and I needed to be seen ASAP. A long day in the ER wound up with me getting sicker and sicker by the minute. They sent me home on a fluid only diet. I couldn't even keep that down. I called my mom on Tuesday and just told her to help me. I felt like I was dying. My sister came down and drove me to the RE's office. Was a swollen, couldn't breath well, and puking up a storm. The RE tried to tap me vaginally (removing fluid off my belly) and it hurt like hell. I cried out in pain. The RE stopped what she was doing and told me I was being admitted to the hospital. I called my husband and he met us there. I spend a solid week hospitalized and feeling like I was going to die. Seriously, I didn't care if I died.. if it meant me feeling better I would have gladly went. God had other plans for me though.

The day before I left the RE came to tap me again but this time from my belly. I had gained 3o lbs due to the fluid and it had to come out. I couldn't breath hardly. I'm not going to lie, it hurt like hell but once she was finished it was a relief. I was discharged the next day and was told to come back to the office on April 9th for my first ultra sound. She had done one in the hospital but she wouldn't let me see the screen. I saw fear in her eyes and I knew something was wrong.

April 9th came... I still felt like shit but not as bad as before. I could actually work now. We went in for the ultra sound and she placed the probe inside me. She started to cry and showed us the screen...Look Elizabeth... there are 8 possibly 9 babies with heartbeats. What I said? She said yes... there they are. Yup there are nine. She showed me every last one and I started to cry. I didn't feel anything at that moment. I just looked at my husband and cried. He cried with me and she took out the probe. She told me to get dressed and come to the office when we were done. She left crying.

The rest is somewhat a blur but I remember talking to a reduction specialist in Pittsburg and New York and coming to terms with what I am dealing with. There is no way you can make it with nine babies she kept telling me. Either you will die or the babies will die. You have no choice. My mind just kept spinning. How will I tell my Catholic parents, who should I tell, who will judge us... why is this happening to us... how in the world could we be so selfish and foolish? WHY DIDN'T WE LISTEN?

My mind just kept spinning. We left the office with tons of paperwork, numbers to call, our ultrasound picture, and an empty heart. This was suppose to be the best day! We were going to see our little bean that we created together. Instead we left knowing we will some of all the babies that we have now.

My mom called as soon as we left the office. My husband urged me not to answer the phone but I know it was no use. She would keep calling she knew what we were doing today. I answered and asked her if she was sitting down. I told her not to react since she was at work and what I was about to tell her could not leave her lips unless she was telling my dad. I begin to tell her that yes we are confirmed pregnancy, however, we are pregnant with nine babies, yes nine mom, like 8 then 9... Yes we are sure mom.. I know mom... it's bad news... I don't know what we are going to do.. we just found out mom... please pray for us. I ended the call crying and stunned. Eric and I didn't talk the whole way home. He stopped at Olive Garden to get something to eat. I don't know why, maybe to do something normal? We parked and I told him he needs to talk to me. He just broke down and cried. I told him to call his mom and let her know. While he was doing that I called my friends at work and lied. I told them the appointment went great and there were twins! I know I can't believe it either... I know we are so happy...

I got out of the car and Eric was crying to his mom on the phone. I don't know what they said to each other but once he got off he just held me and told me we will get through this. We had lunch and went home and made the phone calls to the different specialist we would have to see in the coming months.

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