I grieved privately for a long time, as did Eric. I only broke down once. It was just Eric and I in the car on our way to Marion. We talked about the twins and I started to cry. I asked Eric if he though the babies have forgiven us and he started to cry to. Gosh while I am typing this I am getting teary eyed... We pulled over and I just lost it. I told him I miss my babies and I hope they can forgive me and I hope Eric can forgive me for having to make this decision with him. He told me it wasn't my fault and we did what was best for our twins. It still hurts to this day but I know that they will be waiting for me and they are protecting me now. One day I will tell Adam and Emma about their unborn siblings.
Since that day I have been able to focus on the twins. We found out about 17 weeks that we are having a boy and girl. We named them Adam Bennett and Emma Marie. We got the nursery together really quickly since we didn't know when I would have to be put on bed rest. We became excited each time we saw their little heads and body and just prayed that they would stay with us. I rented a Doppler so I could hear their heartbeats each night before bed. I just felt so much more at ease and pregnant. It was like I could actually enjoy being pregnant. My sickness was going away and I was feeling much better about everything. Soon I could feel them move and then it became real. They are really in there. Then Eric could feel them on the outside and it became more real to him also. We know how blessed we are with our babies on board and we are holding our breaths for a safe and healthy delivery.